Quick Guide: Mother of Men

"A wise woman once told me, the best way to avoid being used, is to stop being useful"

Storytime: You know, there is such a common lack of healthy family visualization that this could happen to anybody. It's one of those things where If you really sat and thought about it, you can remember exactly how they fooled you, again and again. But let's not forget how you let them though, because you never thought ignoring small passive behaviors and inadequacies would render you vulnerable to such deception. They'll never see you as a partner at all. They found an unhealthy comfort in your ability to create a world for them, where they still were fostering a boy inside.

 But before I tell you about them, let me tell you about me. I myself have dated a plethora of 'Mama's Men', all ending in misfortune. I never knew the complexities of how predatory partners can be on your strengths, because of their weaknesses. This all comes back to self-love. While growing up, I didn't possess the proper tools to invest in myself, so I did that with others. I was your biggest cheerleader. I was overcompensating because of my own insecurities, feeling like I wasn't good enough. But boy, did I not know that the recipe to speed up disaster came in the form of a man, who just seemed like he needed some help.

Girl. No. This was a setup. A decoy to what I really would be dealing with.

I know your smart, I know you're beautiful, but listen girly, take heed, don't be like me, biological mother of two, emotional mother of many.

Disclaimer: YOU SHOULD, make a list of things most important to you and stick to your non-negotiables, but while in the dating/courting keep these things in mind

1. Don't ever give a man money, ever

Now, I'm no millionaire, but I have dabbled into the money exchange game a time or two. Girl don't. It doesn't matter what he says, it will never end well. First of all, it feels tacky. Handing over money can create an uncomfortable dynamic in any relationship, blurring the lines between generosity and obligation.

Moreover, financial transactions can often lead to misunderstandings or feelings of resentment. The moment you lend money; it can alter the nature of your relationship. What may start as a simple act of kindness can quickly morph into an expectation or a source of tension? Not to mention, there’s the risk that the money may not be repaid, leading to feelings of betrayal and disappointment. It’s essential to consider how such actions might change the way you view each other and the trust that exists in the relationship.

Additionally, giving money can sometimes be seen as a sign of desperation or lack of self-respect. It can inadvertently send a message that you are willing to compromise your own values for the sake of someone else. This can attract the wrong kind of attention and individuals who may take advantage of your kindness. Instead of fostering a healthy and respectful relationship, it can create an imbalance where one party feels superior or entitled

2. Let him make his own decisions, Girly

   This rule is for my creative queens. Men are dumb, I understand. I know. Pure Koolaid sugar connects their main artery to their brains, filling it with mush. It's a real health crisis. Shocking. But we cannot be a man's fulltime Project Manager. Very few would take advantage of the beauty that is your mind, most would relax in the thought of you helping them not help themselves.

    This role, while seemingly noble, can quickly lead to burnout and frustration. It is essential to recognize that very few individuals truly appreciate the depth and beauty of the mind that you possess. Most will instead take comfort in the idea that you are there to help them, to guide them, and to shoulder the burdens that they should be carrying themselves.

   This dynamic creates an imbalance, where your talents and creativity are often underutilized, and your potential is stifled. It is crucial to understand that while it is admirable to support others, it is equally important to prioritize your growth and aspirations. Your mind is a treasure trove of ideas, insights, and innovations that deserve to be nurtured and celebrated. Instead of pouring your energy into managing someone else's life, focus on cultivating your projects, passions, and pursuits.

   
   

   3. The first time is a mistake, the second time is a pattern

   I have always said this. Habits are so hard to catch when you're in the midst of getting used to your rose-colored glasses. The benefit of the doubts will ruin you. I repeat. There is no benefit in doubting exactly what someone shows you to be true. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. A true person of emotional intelligence and integrity would not put you through mental storms.

    This shift is significant and warrants our attention and introspection.

    We might find ourselves rationalizing behaviors that shoul, raise alarms. The benefit of the doubt, while a noble concept, can often become a double-edged sword that ultimately leads to our detriment. I cannot stress this enough: there is no genuine benefit in doubting the reality of what someone has explicitly shown you to be true through their actions and words.

   When someone reveals their true character, whether through inconsistency, disregard, or manipulation, it is imperative to believe them. Trusting our instincts and observations is essential for our emotional well-being. A person who embodies emotional intelligence and integrity would never subject you to the turmoil of mental storms, confusion, or emotional distress. Instead, they would foster an environment of respect, clarity, and support. It is essential to cultivate the ability to discern between genuine mistakes and harmful patterns, as this skill will empower us to make healthier choices in our relationships and, ultimately, in our lives.

   4. Beware of emotional incest

   Bingo. Another behavior often overlooked. A pure doozy though. Having this card in his back pocket will almost solidify your place in his life, dead last. You will never be put first. Emotional incest occurs when a parent or caregiver relies on their child for emotional support, treating them more like a partner than a child. This can create an unhealthy dependency that distorts the boundaries typically expected in parent-child relationships. Having this card in his back pocket will almost solidify your place in his life as a secondary figure, dead last in the hierarchy of his emotional attachments. You will never be put first, as the emotional energy that should be directed toward a partner or peer is instead consumed by this inappropriate reliance. This can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, and confusion, as you may find yourself competing for attention and affection with someone who should not be a rival at all. Recognizing the signs of emotional incest is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries and ensuring that your emotional needs are met reciprocally. It’s essential to communicate openly about your feelings and establish clear boundaries to avoid falling into this unhealthy pattern.

   5. Does he have natural ambition?

   You may be a budding sunflower, vibrant and full of potential, radiating warmth and positivity as you seek to capture the attention of someone special. However, while you may symbolize hope and encouragement, it is essential to consider whether he possesses the inner strength, resolve, and ambition to navigate his own journey through life.

   The question arises: does he have the power and drive to be the captain of his own path? This inquiry delves deeper into the complexities of personal growth and self-leadership. A captain is not merely a figurehead; he must be someone who can steer his ship through turbulent waters, make strategic decisions, and take responsibility for the course he chooses. It requires a combination of self-awareness, determination, and the ability to envision a future that aligns with his values and aspirations.

   Choose someone who has something without you, and who's willing to have more WITH you.